Not Equipped—Conditioned: How Grooming Masquerades as Discipleship

There is a kind of silence that settles over abused believers.

Not the silence of peace... but the silence of confusion.

It’s the silence of people who were told they were trained when they were actually being conditioned.

Who were told they were being discipled when they were actually being controlled.

Who were told they were being equipped for ministry when, in reality, they were being slowly stripped of agency, voice, and discernment.

In reflecting on my time in HOP, I realized there was a big difference in the people who were equipped and those who were groomed.

Those who were equipped recognized the grooming... even if they couldn’t name it at the time. Something in them stirred. Something resisted. Their spirit registered the dissonance before their mind had language for it.

But that discernment was not honored.

It was shamed.

Their questions were not welcomed as signs of maturity.

They were met with rage, defensiveness, and suspicion.

Curiosity was reframed as pride.

Discernment was labeled rebellion.

And asking why was treated as a threat rather than a responsibility.

So they learned to silence what God had awakened in them.

That is one of the clearest markers of grooming: when discernment is not developed... but disciplined out of a believer.

When leaders respond to honest discernment with rage instead of shepherding, they reveal that what is being protected is not truth—but control (Hebrews 5:14; John 10:3–5).

This is where the line must be drawn.

Because equipping and grooming are not close cousins.

They are opposites.

And the Church must learn to tell the difference.

---

What Equipping Actually Is

Equipping is the intentional, Spirit-led process of strengthening believers to mature in Christ, exercise discernment, and walk in obedience to God without dependency on a human intermediary. "...There is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus."

Equipping:

• Develops spiritual maturity, not emotional reliance

• Strengthens identity in Christ, not identity in a role

• Encourages Scripture study, questions, and testing

• Prepares believers to hear God’s voice for themselves

• Releases people...even when release costs the leader influence, numbers, or control

Equipping trusts the Holy Spirit inside the believer.

It produces men and women who can stand... alone if necessary... before God.

---

What Grooming Really Is

Grooming is the slow, strategic conditioning of a person to submit their conscience, discernment, and autonomy to another human being or system... often under the guise of discipleship, loyalty, or “God’s will.”

Grooming:

• Rewards compliance and punishes questioning

• Uses access, affirmation, or “favor” as leverage

• Blurs spiritual authority with personal control

• Frames independence as rebellion

• Makes leaving feel like betraying God Himself

Grooming does not begin with abuse.

It begins with belonging... and ends in bondage.

---

Equipping Releases. Grooming Restrains.

Equipping strengthens the believer to stand before God without fear.

Grooming tightens the circle until obedience is no longer to Christ, but to leadership.

Equipping says:

• “Test what I say.”

• “Search the Scriptures yourself.”

• “If God calls you elsewhere, go in peace.”

Grooming says:

• “Your discernment can’t be trusted.”

• “Leaving will destroy your covering.”

• “Questioning proves pride.”

And slowly, imperceptibly, Christ is replaced by a system.

Grooming Uses Scripture. Equipping Submits To It.

Grooming is rarely loud at first.

It singles people out.

Draws them close.

Makes them feel chosen, trusted, essential.

Then come the expectations.

Then the pressure.

Then the unspoken rules.

Then the fear.

Scripture becomes a tool for compliance instead of transformation.

Authority verses are magnified.

Freedom verses are spiritualized away.

Suffering is reframed as submission—not to God, but to men.

But equipping handles Scripture with fear and trembling.

---

Sons and Daughters vs. Servants and Shields

Equipping treats people like family.

It does not exploit devotion.

It does not demand secrecy.

It does not silence pain.

Grooming needs:

• Silence

• Protectors

• Loyalty tests

• Fear-based unity

The moment someone says no, asks why, or tries to leave... the love shifts.

That shift tells the truth.

“The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” —John 10:11

Warning to the Church

There is a reckoning moving through the Body of Christ.

God is exposing systems that fed on devotion instead of stewarding it.

He is dismantling platforms built on fear.

He is confronting leaders who confused control with covering.

“I am against the shepherds,” says the Lord, “and I will require My flock at their hand.” — Ezekiel 34:10

This is not persecution.

This is pruning.

And it is mercy.

If You Were Groomed, Hear This

You are not weak.

You are not foolish.

You are not rebellious.

You were hungry for God.

You trusted spiritual authority.

You wanted to belong.

And someone used sacred language to cage what God intended to mature freely.

Freedom begins with truth.

Final Word

Equipping leads you to Christ.

Grooming binds you to men.

One prepares you to stand before God.

The other makes you afraid to.

Choose carefully who shapes your soul.

And if you are a leader—tremble at the responsibility.

Because God is watching how His sheep are treated.

Have you ever realized, in hindsight, that what you were taught as discipleship was actually grooming? How did that recognition change your walk with God?

– Blackhawk Missions